I often wondered as a child..
Is it better to be blind or deaf?
To never see the moon again
Or never hear the makings of a thunder storm
Which was worse?
It's been 4 years since I've seen my family
Yet I feel as though they don't even want to know
A single thing about me.
I spent 4 hours burning pictures
Of the people that mean the world to me..
Of the amazing things I have done in their absence..
I brought over some movies
That I know they've never viewed
I even begged to cook them foods
I know they've never had
I spent my days while I was here
Watching nothing but unnecessarily large televisions
With basic cable channels that I could have seen at home.
I got to see them buy a matching washer and dryer set
And of course they had to be red.
I also almost watched them spend some retarded amount
Of money for features they didn't need and an extra
$100 just to have it in red.
She asks me "What do you think?"
I reply " You don't want to know what I think."
Because I think that the machines you already have are
More wonderful than any I have ever seen in my life.
I think that you are spending a lot of money for no good reason.
I think that my clothes are clean and I didn't even pay for the machine in my house.
I spent 3 days having her say..
"Is there anything you want us to cook for you?
You miss the lemon chicken." I simply said
after 3 days of suggestion: " Ok. "
She says : " Pa! She said she wants you to make the
Lemon chicken." I actually said no such thing.
When it comes around to it..I also remember it having
So much more zest to it..with the help of ginger
Some egg noodles and a lot more love.
Food doesn't taste as good without the love.
She suggests we watch the movie "Orphan".
A movie she has already seen.
I tell her the big plot twist in the end and really don't need to see it.
Then she and I looked at some LOL Cats pics.
As I make my drink, she is on E-Bay.
I am beyond disapointed in my trip down here.
As I am uploading the holiday pics on to my computer,
I see all of these things that they have done together in this camera.
All the fun they have had without me..and it kills me.
All the things I wanted to do for them and with them got shot down.
I guess I am not good enough for them anymore..
I feel that I was brought here just for Pa..but he is not even him anymore.
He is a watered down puppet..an accessory that gets hugged and kissed
And is working his ass off to keep a "Happy Home".
There were no questions like: "How did you sleep?","How are you feeling?"
"Is there anything you had in mind to do today?" "Is there anything you
Wanted to show us?" "What's all this talk about pictures? Let me see!"
"Anything going on with your band?" "Are you still writing?"
I spent more time with my computer and danced my ass off to keep my sanity.
My nephews didn't even want anything to do with me. They just wanted my
Snacks and I know exactly who to blame for that.
I think I've said enough.
All in all, I am happy to have seen my father..
But I feel he really didn't get to see me.
I enjoy listening to him more than anything because he at least
Always makes sense when we speak to each other.
I guess this is the only way we can understand each other for now.
Now that I am an adult, I don't have to wonder any more which of the two things I'd rather be.
"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." - Edgar Allan Poe